there has been 27 times I figured I'd see you
a rough estimate for sure,
but the one time I didn't -
this morning
I walked through the doorway of
Flattrack Coffee
double espresso almond milk
small white paper cup
sipped
walked through Farwell Books
thumbed a RAW PAW zine
tried on a white bralette at Las Cruxes
check my watch, say goodbye
stepped out onto Cesar Chavez
took a right towards the corner
Cesar Chavez and San Marcos St.
at the corner, another right
down San Marcos St
passing the doorway
of Flattrack coffee -
I heard people inside laughing
toss the small white paper cup
into a sidewalk trashcan.
crossing San Marcos St. towards my car
I always remember to look both ways
when I don't forget
and to my left - you
I wanna say that you were smiling
your crooked smile -
as we paused upon seeing each other
three trucks and two trees apart
exchanged three-fingered waves
your long pinky and ring fingers holding
a small white paper cup -
but your head was tilted
and I couldn't tell and I felt nauseous
and kept walking.
I drove away with my mind still tucked, with my curls,
into the neckline of that same blue shirt of yours -
on top of the mattress on top of the world on top of your floor
on top of my breath
which I have finally managed to catch
as I realize that you must've turned around-
having been laughing,
having already seen me
walk past the coffeeshop door
just seconds prior.
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