19. B

your body

was a box of bones

on the bed beside me

and I lay there

letting these b-words roll off of my tongue

while other b-words joined along

like bitch

when you were particularly turned on or

particularly angry

and babe and boo

when you were particularly sweet and

breakfast baths bourbon barton springs bedtime

when we were particularly we

in that way only we could be and

breast balls bite butt back

and other b-words uttered in moaning breaths

and we had had seven years together

and you treated me bad for four of them

and I treated you bad for two of them

but I think we figured we had finally made it babe.

but then some geographical distance got between us

and then some real distance got between us

and no b-words were spoken because

you didn’t have the time

or the energy because you stumbled upon a b-word

you thought was exclusive to you – busy –

and maybe you felt the seven-year itch cause you hadn’t shit on me in awhile

but we were back where we had started

except for I wasn’t 15 anymore

and I was particularly angry

and we were not we

and you were not you

and you were not there,

and so someone else said those b-words to me

and then all of those b-words

created the one b-word with just too many b’s

baby

and it was yours but you felt it could've been his
but it doesn't really matter
because then I wasn’t your baby

or your babe or your boo

and we tried to make it work

but then some other b-words were uttered in moaning breaths

when we were particularly angry

like betrayal and break up

and then the words stopped rolling and started flying –

words that don’t even needs b’s to sting

like I fucking hate you sometimes

and can’t you just keep your fucking legs closed

and I wish you would fuck someone else too so you could stop pretending to be such a goddamn saint.

so we spent one last night together

as silly ex-lovers often do

reaching for a lovely memory

to remind us of all the lovely memories

and cling onto them with hope

but we had run out of b-words

and we had run out of eachother’s reach

and no matter how we clung onto each other
there was nothing lovely there,
and there was no hope.

and your bones and your breathing were heavy beside me

and I would have cried

if I thought it would have done any good.